Thursday, November 22, 2007

Stephen King Rock Or Suck

With a clear and open mind that acknowledges the crappiness of the title of this post, yet can't help admitting its accuracy, I submit for your approval the Stephen King Rock Or Suck comparison table. Since The Mist is here, and getting some pretty good reviews, it's time to take a complex and highly sophisticated scientific look at the movie adaptations of his work so far, a study that took years of focussed research.

Stephen King Rock

The Shawshank Redemption - nothing supernatural, slightly horrific
Stand By Me - nothing supernatural, slightly horrific
Dolores Claiborne - nothing supernatural, slightly horrific
The Green Mile - slightly supernatural, slightly horrific
Carrie - slightly supernatural, slightly horrific
The Dead Zone - slightly supernatural, slightly horrific
Misery - nothing supernatural, slightly horrific

Stephen King Suck

Christine - supernatural, horrific, not scary
Pet Sematary - supernatural, horrific, not scary
Sometimes They Come Back - supernatural, horrific, not scary
1408 - supernatural, horrific, not scary
Secret Window - supernatural, horrific, not scary
Children Of The Corn - supernatural, horrific, not scary
The Night Flier - supernatural, horrific, not scary

From this table, we can conclude that any adaptation of an all-out horror or supernatural story never ever works.

I'm kidding, of course. But it's been increasingly looking that way since King's strongest works are usually non-horror. There are the exceptions like Stanley Kubrick's The Shining and Tobe Hooper's TV mini-series of Salem's Lot. Once in a while you get the entertaining oddity, like the sci-fi thriller Dreamcatcher. So The Mist may just be the odd one out once again, thanks to Frank Darabont.

Just don't ever let King himself get behind the camera for a movie of one of his own tomes. Maximum Overdrive, anyone?

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